October 29, 2026
ACTIVE LISTENING
by Jim Hutson
One way to power up the effectiveness of your communication is to be an active listener. For example, have you ever heard two people in conversation where neither appears to be listening to the other? In fact, it may seem as if each one is just waiting for their turn to talk. I’ve also noticed sometimes people interrupt others who are trying to answer or explain a complicated question or issue. Perhaps you’ve been the recipient of such conversations, which can be annoying. None of these circumstances are examples of effective communication.
When I was a young child, I didn’t talk. I knew how but I didn’t like talking because no one seemed to be listening. What was the point? My family often apologized for my lack of speaking, telling people that “Jim doesn’t talk much.” As a result, I spent most of my life listening more than talking, which sounds like a good thing. The problem, however, was that I rarely asked for clarification or attempted to verify what I thought the other person meant. So, even though I heard every word, I didn’t always get the true message or understand the full communication.
So, if simply hearing everything a person says isn’t effective listening, what is? I believe it starts with patiently hearing everything someone is saying without interrupting but then checking in to find out if what you heard was accurate. I’m not suggesting we parrot someone word-for-word. It could be as simple as saying, “It sounds like you’re really upset about this,” or “are you saying you don’t want to do this anymore?” It’s important to check for two reasons. First, it shows you are listening. You don’t have to agree or disagree. It’s amazing how good it can feel just to be heard. Secondly, it confirms if your listening was accurate. As human beings we have a tendency to assume what people are thinking, feeling, or needing based on how we would think, feel, or need in a similar circumstance. When we’re wrong, we may take actions or say things that are not helpful or could even be hurtful, misleading, or damaging. If you’ve got no clue what someone is feeling or thinking, it’s not only okay but highly recommended that you ask. “What do you think about this?” or “How do you feel about that?”
In our society, so few people actually listen in that manner. Many jump immediately to false conclusions about what was meant or make no attempt to understand. They just hop right into their own conversation, as soon as the other person takes a breath. It can be a special experience to actually be heard and understood without being interrupted.
An easy way to start developing more effective listening skills is to try being curious. Ask questions not just to clarify or show you are listening, but to show you are interested. You could start with what’s known as the 5 W’s and the H (who, what, when, where, why and how). How did they solve that issue? What airline or cruise ship did they take on that last vacation? Where did they live before that incident happened? It extends the other person’s conversation rather than cutting it short. See how long you can talk to someone without bringing up your own thoughts, beliefs, or similar experiences. Dig into what others are saying. Try to really understand their perspective before you jump in to offer yours.
I aspire someday to achieve the gold standard of listening. For me, that might be the ability to listen to someone who’s political beliefs are diametrically opposed to my own without bringing my opinion to the conversation.
Proverbs 18:13
“He that answereth a matter before he heareth it, it is folly and shame unto him.” — KJV
James 1:19
“Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath.” — KJV